Hello, September.

Sometimes I think about this fitness journey that I’m on, and wonder why things work out the way they did. Not in a “oh, woe is me” kind of way (although that’s there sometimes. I won’t bore you with that) but more of a “Is this a test? What am I supposed to learn?” kind of way.

I spent some time going through my photos as I was organizing the years past and I noticed how my body changed over the years. Going from a self-proclaimed fat girl to a relatively fit runner girl only to go back to a self-proclaimed fat girl is tough on the self esteem, but good on the focus for what it is I want. And what I want more than anything is to be that fit girl again.

Lately, I feel like I’ve been all talk and no work. Unfortunately that’s true: I’ve been incredibly lazy and down on myself. I said I was going to get back to running and be under 200 lbs by now and I’m no where near making either of those two goals. I don’t want to wallow in self pity about it, I made my decisions and I have to accept them.

But September starts tomorrow, and it’s a game changer. I had to postpone my first half of the fall season, therefore not being able to do the Try to be Tuff Challenge because of reasons – some valid, some not. I need to get my lazy butt back in the game PRONTO.

getting healthy

I shared a video from my Instagram on the FB page of my “bullet journal” and I hope that it will help keep me in line. I like little projects like that because I like crossing things off lists and checking things off. I plan on keeping track of the foods I eat during the day and the things I drink, I will track my workouts, my blood pressure and heart rate, as well as a few other things like a writing challenge and a gratitude log. (I even have a habit tracker, and this blog is in it! post more dammit!) I’m doing it in a spiral notebook for now to see if I like it and if I stick to it. If I do, I will use a REAL journal for 2017.

I have my calendars already mapped out for the half marathon training I am starting on Monday. No excuses. Gonna get my ass up and do it. If I can’t do the running before my classes like I have planned, I’ll just have to go to the gym early in the morning before work, and to the class after work. Two a days. Whatever it takes. I have a tentative plan to run a 5k on October 1 with Marisa but I am not committing to it yet. Want to see where I am at.

I also posted about Marathon training. As of right now, I am still planning to do the February Marathon as my first one. And probably only one. But I’m uncertain on the particular plan I will follow. I can’t do much longer than 5 miles during the week so I’m trying to work that out. It means longer runs during the weekend, which I can do. I am supposed to do it with Kat, the old running buddy, but we haven’t really discussed it yet. I know Marisa also said that she would run it with me if Kat can’t do it.

My doctor wants me on a high protein, low carb diet. I’ve already slowly started making my way to that style of eating, but am doing it slowly so I can make sure it sticks. The toughest part will be giving up carbs. I love potatoes and rice! But if I stick to eating them before my long runs, I think I will be okay. I can’t give up my rice bowls. I’m too addicted. I also need to cut back on the dairy, if nothing else for the caloric intake. Or at least change it up. This weekend when I do my meal planning and shopping, I plan on grabbing some plain Greek yogurt and using that as a substitute for sour cream in my tacos. Because I need tacos in my life this week.

I know I’m being complicated. Difficult. But bad habits have been learned, and habits are hard to break. I got caught up in things that are unhealthy for me, physically and mentally, and now I’m trying to break those habits and go back to what it is that I loved doing before all of that happened. It’s not easy, especially when you feel like you are doing it alone. Sometimes it’s just easier to go along with the crowd and do whatever. But I want to be happy all around and now it’s time to start standing up for that and making the sacrifices I need to in order to make that happen.

It’s gonna suck. I know it’s gonna suck, and if I actually kick my own ass into gear you will hear me complaining on here about how much it’s gonna suck. But you know what? In a month, it will be habit and I won’t be complaining and it won’t suck. Make it suck now so it doesn’t suck later.

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