I’ve been pretty honest on here thus far, so I’m going to be honest again: I’ve been slacking on training. While last month I ran the most amount of miles I have in a month this year, I haven’t been rigid on my training. I’m still in “recovery” and I’m still trying to rediscover the love of running that depression took away from me.
That being said – it’s less than 20 days to my first half marathon of the season, and I do not feel as prepared as I should…but I’m not going to let that stop me. My goal is to finish with a smile on my face and joy in my eyes. I haven’t run a race since March, and I can’t wait to tutu up and go out there and remember the feeling of racing.
I didn’t run at all last week, due to some family obligations. My grandparents were in town and my grandfather’s health is failing quickly so I decided to spend my evenings with him instead of going to run. Then, my kid brother called me and we had one of those heart to heart talks that we used to have back in the day before he had kids and I got busy with work. Then migraines joined the party and my life went to shit for the weekend.
But that was last week. This week, I plan on running 3 miles on Tuesday, 5 miles on Wednesday (and I have it off! It’s Veteran’s day and I have it off!) and then another 3 on Thursday. And then on Saturday or Sunday (If my head cooperates and I get a weekend migraine free) I’m going to attempt 10 miles again. I know when I am at my best I can do 10 miles without any real issues, even slow and like this. I just need to do it to convince my head that it will work.
My running, however, has been relatively steady. My legs want to go faster than my lungs can go, but it’s been pretty good. And I feel like I can go faster when it’s cooler out, or at least less humid. I feel like I could be doing better if I could get my lungs on board with the rest of my body… or at least get the rest of my body on board with my lungs. In between running, I’ve gone back to stretching, yoga, and core work like the plank.
I’m kind of at a loss when it comes to describing what I am feeling right now. I’m a writer and a journalist, and I am at a loss for words. Who’d have thunk it. But seriously, I can’t really describe it. I feel focused on the right things, peaceful with my choices, and even though I am fighting with the super competitive side of me who is trying to say “You can TOTALLY do 2:30 with no training!” I feel… at ease. I’m scared but confident, worried but focused. Exhausted but elated. Depressed but hopeful. Either way, it’s a good feeling. I want more of this feeling.
Anyway – each day I feel more and more focused on getting back to my goals. I’m starting to pay closer attention to what I am putting in my body fuel wise and am already making the necessary changes I know I need to do in order to feel strong and confident. For example: No gluten today! Insignificant in some ways, but major in others. I’ve gotten so lax about my eating (that’s a different post though) that picking one thing and sticking to it is key. When that becomes easy and normal, I’ll change something else I am fighting hard with. But trust me, the soda addiction will be my last challenge. That won’t be an easy fix for me.
So there you have it. The second week of November and I’m gearing up for a season of half marathons and races that will hopefully have me smiling at the end of every one, no matter what the clock says. Because whether it’s a 6 minute mile or a 16 minute mile – a mile is a mile.