It started off as a bit of a stuffy nose and some sneezing, then moved into the achy head and ear pain, and now I can’t stop coughing and I blame Mucinex. Dreamboat blames my niece and nephew for it. I’m not sure I can, because they weren’t sick when we hung out with them, and I’m not sick dammit. It’s allergies. There is no infection there. Needless to say, running has been fun.
I shorted myself out of miles last week partially on accident, partially on purpose. But when a friend calls you in a massive melt down you blow off your run for Bonos BBQ and some time to hang out. And when you read your calendar wrong, well, that’s your own damn fault. I’m not stressing it too much though.
What I am doing is coughing my lungs up begrudgingly and trying to pack for a vacation that I know I’m excited about but can’t feel that excited right at this second and I’m eating garlic hummus and GF pretzels for lunch.
Take that, new co-workers. And you too, vampires.
Week two of half training is half here and half on vacation in St. Martin with my family. My husband asked me if I really was going to run on vacation and I said yes. I need to run. I miss it, which is a great feeling after having avoided it for so long do I could work on other things that were bringing me down.
SPEAKING OF: I had a random conversation with Dreamboat about managing your addictions and cheating yourself into thinking you are managing them. It got to be pretty deep (his father was an alcoholic) and in the process of figuring out the difference between managing and “cheating” I asked him if he thought I was managing or cheating my depression. (NOTE: I asked this full well knowing that Brian admittedly doesn’t understand how to handle me when my depression gets to the darker stages and it could be counter-productive) He said he believes I am managing it, but questions HOW I was managing it.
“Why would you quit doing something that you love when everything else in your life is crap?” he asked me. Funny, I thought, I had just asked the same thing to a friend of mine who said she had been blowing off running. That got me thinking: Was that how it all happened? Did I blow off something I loved in order to work on other things. The answer is yes and no. I did blow off the things I loved (running, writing, going out with friends) but not because I was trying to get away from them. I just didn’t have the desire to do any of those things. I didn’t WANT to run. And that’s what makes it different. If I WANTED to run, and just didn’t do it, then I did blow it off for no reason. But if I didn’t WANT to run, I wasn’t going to force myself to do it. I’d rather use that time working on digging myself out of the dark, dreary, and lonely rut that I had gotten myself into.
There you go. A little insight to the mind of a depressed girl.
ANYWAY – I believe that things are better now anyway. Below is this week’s training. I leave town on Friday for vacation and will be gone for a week, but I plan on running while I am there so I will add next week’s training as well. While we are in St. Martin, my sister and I are going to try and do some hiking. I’m really excited because the island has 25 miles of hiking trails and I think that will be fun. We’ll have to figure out a way to log those miles.
Man I really need a FitBit. (also – now I’m eating Chobani yogurt. It’s chocolate hazelnut. And it’s weird.)