That pivotal moment when everything changes

When people talk to me about fitness and diet and wanting to get healthy, I always tell them that when the are really ready to make the change in lifestyle…they will know and suddenly it will all snap together and it will be easy because that’s exactly how it works. Something inside your head just switches and suddenly you know what you need to do and the excuses you have been using are not important anymore.

And I won’t lie – I haven’t “had it” for a while. I’ve been in a dark place lately and while I don’t feel like I’m completely out of that place yet – I did have that moment when you wake up and think that there is some sassy voice in your head asking you to “look at your life, look at your choices.

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And suddenly – Everything snapped into place. You could call it an epiphany. I’m calling it a “duh, big red fire truck” moment that hit me like a dump truck.

I was scrolling through Instagram looking at all of the fitness people I follow, looking at all of their times, and feeling sorry for myself. I wanted to be running those speeds right now, hell I want to be running right now. I want to be going with my friend Stacey who has been practically begging me to try her crossfit box. I want to be doing Insanity right now. I want to be doing something that tests my physical abilities.

But right now all I can do is ride the bike, swim, and do yoga. I am not a strong swimmer, never have been. Biking is okay for cardio, but it’s not running. And then there is yoga. On a whim, and by the suggestion from a friend of mine, I bought a Living Social thing that got me a 6 month membership to MyYogaWorks and have been doing that every morning. And that’s the start of the “big red fire truck” moment.

Yoga is TOUGH. My body is tight and lacks flexibility, which I’ve always had. This is awful though. I thought back to when I was at my fittest and I found yoga and body flow much easier then. As I was laying down in corpse pose one morning, my mind drifted and  thought about how pathetic I had become. Regardless of the excuses, valid or not, I should have never let myself get back to where I said I would never get to again. And after the video ended, I stayed in corpse pose but had my eyes open as I took stock of myself over the past few years to try and pinpoint where exactly things started to fall apart.

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Bottom line is, it doesn’t matter. I started to let myself go, and that’s all there was to it. And now I’m ready to get back on track and get my fitness back together…to get healthy again. To feel healthy again. I’m itching to build a calendar that involves cardio (Running and Insanity) as well as my daily yoga which I’m desperately trying to keep as a daily occurrence to help keep my muscles relaxed and loose so to not be injured again…but that won’t be for a while.

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And I also need to cut myself some slack. I have high expectations for myself and want to push as hard as I can to make sure I get to my goals, and that’s part of what is keeping me back. I need to realize that it took time to get to where I was pre-surgery and it will take time to get there again. I need to blow off the whole “oh my God! They are running so much faster than I am!” mentality and focus more on the “I’m proud of what my body just did and I feel strong.”

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Maybe this injury is a good thing. It’s allowing me to find the joy in working out again. Working on yoga is forcing me to take the necessary time to stretch out my muscles as well as quiet my mind and find some focus. It’s making me really take stock in the food and drink that I am putting inside my body. It’s working on making a real effort on working on myself mentally. Then, when I get permission to work out again, I’ll make a reasonable plan to get me through the hot summer of Florida and get prepared for training for the fall races.

So my “big red fire truck” moment has me doing things I can do right now. Taking my multi – vitamins every day. Yoga every day. I went to the grocery store and got a lot of healthy foods to get me through the week. I’ve been writing in a journal as much as I can to help get the demons back at bay. And it’s working. I don’t feel ready to jump back into a strict cardio workout regime yet, but I do feel glad to have yoga to do every morning (even if I suck at it.)

That means, when I do get permission to run again – I’ll be ready.

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