I keep disappearing. I didn’t mean to this time. Honest! Things just got a little out of hand. Crazy, even. I bet I know what you are thinking.
“Geez, Jamie, enough with the excuses. Just post your blogs like you said you were going to! This is getting irritating. I mean, ten days without a post? Lame.”
To be honest, it’s even irritating me. Life has been spiraling slowly out of control since the summer, and it kind of culminated into a complete meltdown this weekend where I cried, I yelled, I talked, and I cried some more. I was mad at my friends, mad at my husband, mad at myself, and in the process of having said meltdown I was able to figure some things out and make some tough but necessary decisions. I can’t discuss those decision just yet (but trust me, when the time is right, I’ll let you know) but they have helped me put things back into perspective. Here are some of those perspectives.
Life’s too short to sweat the small stuff. This should be a big “DUH!” for me given my family’s medical issues, but sometimes it’s a necessary reminder that sometimes life is too short to worry about things that are outside of your control. Because really, that list is pretty significant if you think about it.
And it’s all small stuff. My boss yelled at me again for something I think is unimportant. Another issue with Bertha? Of course. A crappy run time? Hey, it happens. It’s all small stuff. What’s important is how I react to it.
Tears are good for the soul. I don’t cry a lot, but when I do it’s full on hysterical sobbing. And that’s only when I finally let myself ball a little bit. When I finally melted down, I cried for like two or three days straight, at any random moment, and most of the time over nothing. A sweet video on Facebook? Crying. Brian snapped at me? Crying. A photo of a cute puppy on Instagram? Crying. When I finally let it go and let it out, I realized just how much lighter I felt.
Put those running shoes on, girl. I’m happy to say that I am still running, and still finding ways to make myself better. The scale might not be going down yet, but the pace per mile is, and that’s more important at this moment. But even if it didn’t, it was nice to just go out and run with my headphones in, lose myself in the sweat and the music, and just…be for a bit.
Finding inner peace is tough, but I’m tougher. I’m embracing more yoga and meditation so I can find some peace of mind during this chaos that is keeping me frustrated. I kind of hate yoga and don’t have the patience for meditation yet, but starting out slow and short is the best way to make it stick. 20 minutes of yoga and 2 -3 minutes of meditation is a start, and can only grow from there.
I know I’ve been inconsistent with the blog lately, and I’m sorry. And I wish I could go into all the details right now on what will make things easier or better or whatever. But I just can’t right this second, but I promise to fill you in when I can. And I am so thankful for all of you- being patient and understanding, and supportive. I am appreciative of every one of you.
Now. On to the real blog post I was going to write. 🙂