After all of my revelations in my last post, I was faced with some critical realizations on how things are working for me. Namely, trying to run and do Insanity at the same time. My original plan is clearly not working, so I’m faced with accepting defeat of my original plan and working on making a new one.
It sucks to admit defeat… unless I refuse to see it as defeat and move on to seeing it as a change of plan.
In the evenings after work, I usually have very little motivation to do anything. I’m leaving work feeling grouchy and tired. People think that working in Social Media is super easy, but really it’s hard work. Especially when you are the only one doing it and there is so much of it to do. Throw in all the other things you need to worry about like trials that are likely to start soon, our sweeps period starting in a few days, The Players Championship, and the like… I’m not motivated to do much after work.
I did notice – however – that running in the morning makes the day run smoother. Easier. I feel stronger. A few times earlier this month when I was able to fit both Insanity and running into my morning, I was tired and sore… but still. Strong. So that got me thinking… Actually, a conversation with Dreamboat got me thinking:
“I still haven’t done Insanity yet. I’m torn between doing it now and going to bed at 11,” I texted him.
“What do you think you need the most?” he asked back.
“To lose some of this weight. (edited, because I was pretty harsh on myself) I have yet to be able to do both for more than a few days. Unless I get up and do both in the morning,” I texted.
“Try it,” he said.
“Try what?” I asked.
“‘Unless I get up and do both in the morning'” he repeated back to me.
“Ok,” I answered.
“Do what you have/want to,” he said. And I started thinking. I could do both in the morning. It means not running with Kat in the mornings so I can run here, and then go to the fitness center with my laptop so I could get the workout in and not disturb Brian who for the time being is working nights at work. It would mean getting my ass out of bed no later than 5am, and out the door no later than 5:30am so I could get a 3-4 mile run (for me it’s been between 40 – 55 minutes depending on the day) and then be able to start Insanity no later than 6:45am, which will get me done by 7:30am. Come home, shower, get cleaned up, and head out the door for work by 8:45am.
It’ll be a tight morning, but it leaves the evenings free for dinners with Dreamboat, my family, my friends. It means if I end up working later than anticipated, I won’t feel guilty for skipping the workout. It means if I want to come home and take a long bath, read a book, or have a play date with some of my friends instead of working out, I can. And not feel guilty.
So that’s the plan. I’m going to work on revamping my plan to restart everything AGAIN next week. I feel kind of like a failure. I mean, why is it so hard to get back into this? It shouldn’t be. But then again, the last time I was so serious about my training, I was working nights and woke up to run at 9am and was at work by 3pm. So there is a significant difference there. It’s just taking a bit longer to get the new schedule figured out.
But still. I feel like I can’t get it together. I feel like I’m failing myself. I hope this new plan makes things easier because I want to feel strong, fit and sexy again. I want to feel normal again. I want this to work.