At 1:15 on Thursday afternoon, after the Allergy Chat I was hosting for WJXT with the Mayo Clinic was finished, and my away message was set on my work email, I felt a bit of tension release from my shoulders and I started to relax a little bit.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but I had been letting everything and everyone around me dictate a lot of my stress. As a firm believer in being an independent person, I was letting entirely too many outside forces interfere with what my goals were and what my wants were. Are. You get the idea.
So when Brian and I whisked ourselves away to a quick weekend vacation in Orlando, I made sure that we spent some important time together… and in the process, I learned a lot about myself too.
Lesson 1 – I suck at relaxing. I found myself repeatedly asking Brian what he wanted to do, did we have stuff to do, what was on the agenda… and he would just look at me and say, nothing. We have nothing planned. We couldn’t check into our resort until 4pm on Friday, so we had plenty of time before leaving. We had nothing planned for Saturday other than being lazy so there was nothing to do… but relax. In a world where I am rushing around trying to get a million things done, I learned pretty quickly that I failed at relaxing. This is something that I need to work on in the future.
Lesson 2 – I’m letting stupid thing interfere with my fitness goals. I refused to bring any of my workout gear or my laptop down to Orlando with me. I knew that if I did, I’d force myself to wake up early to work out (which defeated the purpose of relaxing) and I knew that we would both be on our respective social media sites, which means I’ll check my work social media sites and dammit… I’m on vacation, why am I checking? But then I saw a few women running around the resort and suddenly I wished I had brought one sports bra and one pair of track pants so I could at least go for a speedy walk. Fitness, running, and the like used to be something I loved and it quickly turned into a chore. I need to get back to where I loved working out.
Lesson 3 – I’m doing this on my own, and I have to accept that. My running partner, Kat, has been out for about three weeks with a bruised chest, and possibly bruised/cracked ribs due to a serious bronchitis infection that left her almost hospitalized. Brian doesn’t like running (“but that doesn’t mean I don’t like YOU running.”) And I can’t afford to go to the gym and join in the classes I so adore. So that means I need to really focus and be my own inspiration and motivation. No more lame excuses; I know what needs to be done.
I know what I want, I know what it takes to get it, so why am I letting everything get in the way of that? Because once again I am trying to give my time to everyone at every moment to make sure each gets what they want… and with that I lose myself in the process. While laying at the pool, I finally finished reading the Runner’s World magazine I had started two weeks ago, including reading the story about two “little people” (why do they call them that? They are just people who are a bit shorter than the rest. That doesn’t make them different. Labels suck) tried to run and didn’t finish last year’s Boston Marathon because of the bombings and I felt inspired. I read about the group of people who lost a colossal amount of weight in order to get healthy and then went on to do the Ragnar relay and I felt inspired. I finished the magazine and felt inspired to run again.
Then I picked up my Shape magazine, and read that. It’d been years since I had really read this magazine, and decided to renew my subscription just for shits and giggles to see if it had changed from before. It’s still pretty heavy with some stuff I find questionable for a “fitness magazine” like the ads for Hydroxycut and the like, but the interview with Ivanka Trump was pretty good. The story about disconnecting to your social/online life was pretty informative. I’m up to the article about food addictions, but haven’t finished it yet. But even then, it was inspiring to read. Or start to read anyway.
Then there is today; The Boston Marathon was held and I tracked the athletes online and followed updates on Twitter and was blown away. Shalane led the Elite Women for SO LONG! She finished her half marathon in like… 1:09! Who does that!? And Meb! Meb WON the Boston Marathon for the men, the first American to do so in decades. I followed along with the Hoyts, Dick running the marathon while pushing his son Rick in a wheelchair, and was blown away at their courage to do something so magnificent like this…. it’s all inspirational.
So, today when I woke up I put on my race shirt and went about my day in a show of support to those who were running the Boston Marathon while I worked on my plans to get my lazy, fat butt back on point so I can make my dreams come true too.
I’ve been inspired to make a running bucket list, including some dream races. I’ve been inspired to do an overhaul on my eating and really make a it a point to do better. I’ve been inspired to really focus on my workouts and despite a bad day at work or a too short night of sleep to get up and make the miles happen. I’ve been inspired to really take care of myself, and do the things to help myself relax; whether that’s a bath with a LUSH bath bomb or an hour laying in bed reading or something to make me feel amazing. I’ve been inspired to start putting myself first, to be a little bit more selfish and to do what I said I wanted to do.
Brian once said to me that he didn’t care about running, but he cared about my running. I didn’t understand that at first, and took it to mean that he didn’t care period. But now, after all of this… I think I’m starting to get it. It’s not about the sport, it’s about me in the sport. And it’s time for me to focus on Jamie in Running too.