This morning, I was tired. My legs are sore from Insanity and the bridges on Monday and after how my head felt doing the last video I knew a break this morning was needed. I don’t want to do anything that will screw up my progress, race times be damned.
So I took this morning off. I have to do Plyo with Insanity tonight, and I have to go get my Hocus who is spending the weekend with us as my parents go out of town for some family thing that we can’t attend down in Orlando. As I got up and went to the bathroom to grab my glasses, I saw it. It was leaning up against the vanity, and it was mocking me. I had said that I would use it before I really started to buckle down and get serious about this healthy lifestyle business again, and I hadn’t because I was scared of what it would say.
This morning, I faced my fears and told myself that the number didn’t matter and stepped on the scale to weigh in.
186.5 pounds. I blinked and looked at it again. Nope, that was right. Huh. weird.
The last time I weighed in before the surgery was July. It was also the last time I did any serious workout. Being off any preventative medications for my migraines meant I was suffering from them pretty often and I was feeling miserable. I made it a rule a long time ago to not run with a migraine after I blacked out on a run from one. There was a lot of things I could do with a migraine, but running wasn’t one of them. So I opened the medicine cabinet door and looked at the paper I had hung there that had all my weigh ins, and sure enough… July 27 says 186.
So in three-ish months, I’ve pretty much been stable. With no working out, no real diet to speak of, and no real motivation. That’s pretty interesting. Sure, I could have dropped a few lbs between the start of my working out and now, but the fact that the scale said the same thing it said in July is impressive to me. It’s also more motivation for what is to come.
I have to take it easy. It’s a hard thing to admit, but it’s the truth: my head is NOT healed yet. It still hurts to brush my hair when it’s tangled. It still aches from time to time from I try to hold my head up while I am laying on my stomach to watch tv or mess around on the laptop. There is discomfort and nerve pain when I do Insanity or run from time to time, which causes me to slow down and even take a break. My head was tender when I got a hair cut last night, and I had to have Michelle scrub my head down so gently that she said she felt like wasn’t giving me a true shampoo
This isn’t a typical running injury that I would push through without any real concern, this is a surgical procedure I had to cure my head of migraines and I have to be careful to not ruin the work that I had done so I can function properly in the future. It sounds like I am repeating myself about that, but I have to remind myself of that often or else I will just say “screw it” and go balls out. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t stressing the times for the half marathons I have next month, or whether or not I will actually be able to do the full in December like I want to…But I have to remind myself that those times are not what are important right now. Recovery is, and I am still recovering. I have to remind myself that it’s only been two months of the 6-9 months the surgeon said it would take to get me back to healthy.
#BeastModeRemake doesn’t mean hurting yourself in the process of getting back to where you want to be. It means listening to your body and knowing what it needs. And what mine needed was a reality check called the bathroom scale, a reminder that I am not a super hero yet and need to continue to let myself heal, and that coffee makes for a fantastic way to start the morning. Also – that the haircut I got was so totally necessary.