I don’t know about most girls, but when I have a meltdown, it’s ugly. After the snot bubbles have disappeared and I’m done crying, I start to reflect on what caused me to have a meltdown. What was stressing me out? What has me so annoyed with life? Why am I lashing out against things that were once one of the things I adored? I start getting incredibly self critical and when I come up for air…I have plans.
And the plans usually irritate people because it’s changing habits to allow myself to get back to where I want to be, which is ultimately happy.
In the process of my meltdown and self rediscovery, I jumped on the scale. I should know better than to do that right now. It’s “shark week” as my friends husband so eloquently puts it and I have been eating wheat even though I know it makes me backed up. The number that came up on the little digital screen made my heart drop. It’s higher than I want. Actually, it’s where I said I was never going to go back to.
Insert emotional bitch fit here.
Okay, before I go completely irrational here – 1. I know that this moment of the month is a stupid idea to weigh in. 2. I’ve done a lot of good changes in my diet (less soda, more water, less junk, more real food, more fruit and veggies, less carbs) and 3. I’ve remembered my vitamins every day this week. It takes 21 days to form a habit. (Oh, and 4. it’s hard for me to stay motivated when I don’t have a race I am training for. )
The part of my world that has NOT been consistent in any way is my workouts, and that’s about to change.
After my slight freak out, I went to Dreamboats computer and printed out the weight chart we had been using for a long time. I filled out the weeks and highlighted the cruise we are going on in October. That’s my goal week. I want to meet my goal weight by that week. We can do this! I posted it in our medicine cabinet like it used to be, with my starting weight listed at the top. Brian’s isn’t on there, I don’t know what it is. Hell, he doesn’t have to participate in this. It can be an all me thing, that’s fine. But it’s there, and I instantly felt some of that stress fall away.
Then I started working on my workout calendar for May. I was trying to fit in all the running I wanted to do with friends and things like that only to realize that I’m going about it the wrong way. Focus on me, right? Well, that’s how it’s going to have to be. I’m reuniting with my speedy friend Kat, knowing that working with her will get me to the speed I want to be at. While I know some of our runs will end up being Starbucks runs, I also know that she won’t let me dwindle and will help me get back to the pace I want. Early morning runs before work, with the possibility of either showering at her place or at work will help me out. I’m still running with my other friends, but I know that adding Kat back into my world will get me the speed I need and desire.
In the process of just making those two small changes, I felt better. Emotionally better. More confident and more secure in my goals. It’s made me calmer in the past decisions I made (like yesterdays Cherry Coke and peanut butter m&ms) knowing that I will still be able to treat myself once in a while so long as I stay committed to my workouts and stay focused on my goals.
By the way – I’m 90% sure I’m doing the Jax Bank Full. And the Disney Princess 10k that was just announced. And I am scared shitless and excited as all get out. Maybe I really am ready.