So I started watching what calories I’ve been eating lately, which is actually kind of a bad thing. See, I get obsessive about numbers which is a little stupid since I fail at math…but it’s true. I do. It’s an OCD thing or something.
Before – I would weigh myself every day and freak out over the slightest shift in weight. I would count calories and consider the day a failure if I was even 4 calories over. I’m crazy obsessed with the sizes of my clothes, and it’s stupid. Generally, it’s really really stupid. Because this kind of obsession doesn’t stop me from eating wings and drinking beer with my friends. It doesn’t stop me from having ice cream at my parents house. And it sure as hell doesn’t stop me from enjoying the delicious things that I keep seeing shown so negatively everywhere.
But when I step on the scale for another week and see the number sit at 177 again months later, I know that something has to give. I may not be gaining weight, but I sure as hell am not losing it either.
It’s frustrating, but at the same time not surprising. I haven’t been consistent in my workouts lately, which would help with my weight loss and it takes both working out and watching what I eat to create a healthy lifestyle…and a svelt body. I’m not lazy and I’m not as active as some of the people I admire. (Paul McRae, I mean you here) but I do need to come to a perfect, happy medium of being dedicated to my sport and my diet.
Little changes are the easiest. Giving up soda is hard for me because I am a caffeine junkie and a sugar addict, but knowing that so many empty calories are going toward a bottle of Dr. Pepper I get out of the vending machine makes doing it hard. Sometimes I don’t care and say screw it and drink it anyway (hello, emotional eating/drinking!) but for the most part I’ve been doing good with drinking water. It’s the same thing with foods I’m eating. I did such a great job being healthy and eating only good for you things that when I broke down and had potato chips with my dinner last night, suddenly…I want more junk food.
There’s a reason we don’t keep it in the home.
But it’s about making little changes. Apples and peanut butter instead of cookies. Trail mix and carrot sticks instead of the Twizzlers my managers bring in for the producers. Water, tea, coffee and my MiO instead of sodas and juices. Slowly. Small, little shifts that will be come habit over time is what is necessary when cleaning up your eating. But then when you add the healthy items into your calorie counters and realize that so many calories are in some specific healthy things you want to punch the table.
Peanut Butter is 190 calories!? Seriously!? My 4 Twizzlers are only 140!!
BBQ sauce? I need to count those calories? I don’t even think it’s written on the bottle. It’s from a Mom&Pop place in SC.
So you are telling me if I squeeze a lime into my glass of water, I have to count the calories for that?
I liked it better when it was eat healthy and don’t worry about the numbers. So long as you run and stay relatively healthy (which for me is 80%) you will be fine. If I get back into the habit of working out every day I think I can do that. So…why the calorie counting, you ask? Well, because I needed a reality check again. It’s easiest to be smacked in the head with reality when you can actually see the numbers in front of you. It’s my version of a food diary and while I despise it right now (and will easily go over the 346 leftover calories I have for today) I’m going to keep doing it for a little while longer.
If nothing else, I’ll have good eating habits formed by the end of April. That’s something we all can work toward, right?