As I sit here at my desk at work, I get a chance to work on some personal things because working in TV during the holidays means a lot of hurry up and wait. There really isn’t a lot to do. Unless of course there is breaking news. *knock on wood* for no breaking news.
But since I am sitting here, I might as well do some research. Training schedules, group fitness schedules at the YMCA that I may or may not be able to join, and a food diary. What does that all equate to? You guessed it. Jamie needs to get her fitness stuff all reorganized.
What caused it is kind of a bitch.
In the middle of lunch yesterday, Brian started talking to me about running and fitness and stuff. I don’t really know how we got on that topic, but I do know that I got super defensive the moment he said “You need to run faster.” (He says we got on the topic because I mentioned how my mom asked if I was going to join Crossfit. No, I’m not. I want to join the YMCA)
Apparently my sister made a comment to him, asking how is it that I run so much more than she does and she’s faster than I am. And then the fact that I bitched about my times was brought up. I said that I knew I had to do speed work, but I hated it, and I was told that if I wanted to get faster, I needed to suck it up and do it. When I tried to talk to him about how speed work well, worked…after all the stuff I had read about it…He kind of waved his hands and said “whatever, I can’t do that whole Galloway method, starting and stopping. You got to find what works for you, but you got to run faster.”
I felt like I was being reprimanded, punished and spoken down to. It didn’t help that he brought up Heather, whom he knows I have issues with because of her competitive nature, and that he went on and on about how I need to run faster.
In the middle of Mojo’s BBQ on the day before Christmas, I wanted to punch my husband.
We ended up not speaking for most of the day, which is awesome when you hardly see each other and don’t have time together as it is, and it’s a HOLIDAY dammit! We ended up going out again to meet friends for dinner and to give them their presents, and it happened again. I asked a question or made a comment and we launched into another argument. Long story made short, I was furious at him because I felt attacked. He’s not the first person to tell me what it is I need to do in order to get better, and after hearing it from him I just lost it. But he’s not wrong.
When I got the new job, I was ecstatic and focused a lot of my energy on work. I want to prove to them and everyone else that social media is a big deal and that I could do what they wanted me to do. And I can, that and more. But the problems I run into with my work is that I end up being moved around to cover shows that need to be produced and working longer hours than I need to and I just feel beaten up. Running and diet got shoved by the wayside.
Having that argument with Brian was infuriating, but mostly because I felt like I was being reprimanded for not doing what I know I should have been doing all along. I know I need to run faster, it’s the only way to beat my times. I know I need to not eat the gluten laden foods, it makes me feel horrible and my clothes to not fit. I know I shouldn’t be drinking the soda, it’s not good for me. I know I should not skip runs, but I did it because I was tired and there was “always tomorrow” but I never ran “tomorrow” so it hurt me.
And now I sit here, in a pair of jeans that feel way too tight on me right now feeling low and dejected…and instead of wallowing in the pit of self pity I seem to have thrown myself in, my Christmas present to myself is a swift kick in the ass to get my life back together and get back to where I was a short 5 months ago. A lot of things are changing for me next year, including my work hours, so I figured it was time to work on the Jamie change all together.
Say hello to my new fitness journal. This pretty, black leather bound book is going to be the home of all the detailed information that I will need to keep in order to make sure that I am staying on track and doing the right thing. Sure, I’m still going to be using DailyMile and I’m going to restart MyFitnessPal, but this is something that I will be able to keep with me at all times and will log other important things as well. Like my migraine information. I also plan on logging mood information in it as well.
This is actually something that my nutritionist had me do years ago. Back when I was trying to figure out why I was having so many issues working out as hard as I was and not losing any weight, I started to see a nutritionist to figure out what I was doing wrong. That’s when I found out how I was eating incorrectly, and how I have a gluten intolerance fighting against me. It was a big eye opener when I did follow through with logging everything, and I was grateful for the experience with the nutritionist but it was still frustrating to realize how poorly I had been treating myself. It’s time to get back to the girl who tracked everything. It’ll be helpful in the long run.
I also downloaded a bunch of new training programs to follow. The Gate is about 6 or 7 weeks away and the best way to get prepared for that race is to train – and the best way to get FASTER is to not only train harder and run faster, but to do it SMARTER as well. I love the Hal Higdon training programs, so I printed out his intermediate half marathon training, and his intermediate and advanced 15k training programs. I think having these on hand for me to use as a guide will help me get back into a constant rhythm of what I’m supposed to be doing.
And – even before I know I can afford it – I went ahead and made a schedule of the classes at the Brooks YMCA that I wanted to take each night. I could EASILY add them to my work out programs if I can swing the membership. We have other things that we are working on paying for so if I were honest with myself, a gym membership is not a smart move financially. But it is for me mentally and physically. We’ll have to work it out, but if I can’t join the gym – I do have a copy of Insanity and I have the Nike Women’s Training program on my new tablet. I have a set of hand weights, and I have stairs up to my condo. I can make all of this work. I just want the gym 🙂
I also got this fantastic red leather journal. It’s wonderful, and I love it and I love the people who gave it to me. It’s a perfect place for me to do what I like to call an “emotional dump” so I don’t bog down this journal with all my negative thinking when it gets out of hand. I want to be a positive influence to all of my readers, and while I do let you see that everyone can be a Debbie Downer sometimes, I try very hard to NOT be that girl. Plus – it’s been forever since I have written in a journal like this, and I’m excited to be doing it again. It’s super soft and it’s got a magnetic closure, and it’s got some really awesome designs, and I dig it. 🙂
So that has been my holiday. I know it’s not exactly reindeer, tinsel and lots of laughter, but that’s okay. I got to sleep in with my Dreamboat, we made mincemeat filled crescents for breakfast (bad Jamie! Wheat!) and we opened presents while watching GMC’s yule log. I got a rocken gift certificate for my hair and enough money for a mini shopping spree. My friends got me some kick ass knee high socks, new running shoe laces, the journal, and an Angry Birds shower kit (which you KNOW will be put to good use in my gym bag!) Then Brian and I hung out and did the couple thing until I had to come in to work. I may or not have eaten way too much food over the past few days, but that’s okay. I plan on getting back on the band wagon ASAP.
Brian got some good swag too. He got a bunch of new shirts, money to replace the headlights in his car, a Batman shirt, a Batman shot glass, a new charge cord for his phone and some of his favorite dark chocolate. He’s my dreamboat and I thought I was spoiling him, when in reality, he was spoiling me. One of these days I’m going to be able to surprise him with something extravagant. Like the NASCAR experience!
Anyway – we had a long talk about this and he knows that once I put my mind to something it will get done. And it will. It’s just a matter of getting it there. With consistent work outs, and my own personal support system – I can move mountains.
I hope you had a fantastic Christmas and got lots of fun presents to play with and run with. I hope nothing but the best for you and am excited for the new year and what’s to come! And just for fun: here is a photo of my Hocus crawling up on the couch to be near her Momma. Brian took the photo. 🙂