…these are my confessions…

Which is actually NOT the song I’m listening to right now. It’s A Bay Bay….What can I say, I’m listening to my “Party Till Dawn” playlist on playlist.com and am enjoying my inner clubber that comes out once in a while.

Time to confess some sins and get my act together, as my boss said to me the other day. I think she meant it as a compliment…that I was getting my act together…but it didn’t come off that way. However – it stirred some self reflection and I started to realize just how much I let myself go, and how many excuses I was using to justify it. Annoying? Yes. Factual? Mostly.

But I’m over it and am ready to get back on the bandwagon, so to speak.

“My new schedule is a bitch, I’m trying to make it work but it’s so hard!”  – Okay, this isn’t exactly untrue. Going from working a night shift for 8 years to a day shift is really hard to adjust to. Trying to change how you work out so that instead of running at 7pm on your dinner break, to running at 6am in the morning before work is even harder. I was doing pretty good, but then my hours started to change almost daily. Sometimes I’d be producing a show…and half the time I wouldn’t know about it before hand. I’m running the Debate Chats, and that changes me from dayside to nightside. I’m also working Football Friday for 5 more weeks (not that I’m counting) and that means going into work on Friday nights at 9pm, and then just staying there for my morning shift on Saturday for the 9am show. I can’t tell you the last time I had a “normal” week, and I’m certain it won’t happen till after Football Friday is over in 5 weeks. The week before Thanksgiving. That being said – It’s hard to get runs in when your body is just exhausted from the yo-yo schedule. Not an excuse as I can just shift my runs around, but that doesn’t help the fact that I’m tired. How are I going to change that? Going back to night runs. It’s all I can do. Clearly, getting up at the break of dawn is just not working, and if I can run before I eat dinner I also tend to eat less. Double win. So starting this week I’m running in the evening. just after 6 if I run at the station, closer to 6:30 if I’m coming home first. Nights I’m working, my 9am runs are back. It gives me time to sleep in the AM or do the Nike Training so I can bring some strength training back into my world. Brian can either join me or he can just wait on me…but I have to get my running back into my life. Aside from fitness it’s my stress relief.

“You are always complaining about  not feeling good. It’s annoying” You think it’s annoying to you? Try being me. I hate that my migraines are out of control again, and they are hindering things in my life again. It’s not fun for me either. I try my damndest to keep the pain a secret, and I have a pretty high pain tolerance, but sometimes it just doesn’t work out that way. As for everything else…well…I fail at life and at keeping routine. I had stopped taking my vitamins and my calcium. I complained to my girl Jennie about it, and she lectured me on how I haven’t been taking my vitamins and how that helps tremendously. Feeling like a moron, I went back to Publix and grabbed me a new jar of gummi vitamins. I still have some calcium. As for my migraines, we are keeping track of them, and I still go to my doctor about it and we are figuring out the next step. Hopefully, getting back on track with everything will make me healthier again.

“If you quit drinking all that soda/eating that junk you wouldn’t have put on the weight” Okay, I have no excuse for this one. I dropped off on my milage, stopped the Topamax which also worked as an appetite depressant, and kept eating like I had been and BLAM O. I threw 15 of the 50 lbs I lost back on. People keep telling me I still look awesome, but I feel heavy and gross. So – back to the healthy diet and the soda is limited to Friday/Saturday and even then it’s only 2-3, unless I can find a new way to keep my ass awake during my overnights. I’ll totally own up to this one and say I failed at keeping it clean. Jennie is kicking my ass back into healthy eating shape!

“So, how you gonna fix all that?” I’m changing up my workout regime to reflect my needs. I’m not keeping the junk in my home anymore and I’m making sure that I carry healthy snacks with me, even if I’m going out to go shopping or something. I’m taking vitamins again, and considering going back on the Topamax for my migraines (unless we find a different treatment. For those who don’t know, Topamax is a category X drug) I’m giving myself little goals and rewards for each one. I’m becoming serious and even if I’m doing it alone, I know that I can do it because I want it. I want to fit back into my size 10 clothes, and I want to walk around naked and feel more confident. I want to be strong and fit and I want this more than anything.

What about how? How bad do you want it? Ever experience this yourself? How did you pull yourself out?

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