numbers, numbers, numbers

Riddle me this: Since getting OFF the Topamax (you know, that anti-migraine medication that also happened to be an insane appetite suppressant) I have put almost 15 lbs back on…and my numbers got BETTER. I’m not kidding. My iron is over 13 again, my blood pressure is down to 100/70, and my pulse is down to 76. All pretty big jumps and back into a very healthy spot.

Weight up – numbers down (except for Iron…it went back up)

Seriously. Huh?

It’s weird and I don’t get it. I mean, Charlie is telling me that it might be because my body is just more comfortable being in the 160s. Which might be true, but I felt more confident being in the 150s. Heather tried to tell me that it’s a hormone thing or a chemical thing and that maybe I’m screwed up and need to go to the doctor. (Doubtful. Incredibly doubtful, but she thinks that is her problem so eh.)

Realistically, I’m aware that it’s because I’m eating normally again and am not exactly starving myself like I was when I was on the Topamax. I am well aware that I was not eating nearly enough as I should have been when I was on it, and I am now currently eating a more stable diet. But still – I catch myself wishing that I was back on the Topamax (for the record – my primary reason is for the migraine control, not the diet control…although it was a nice perk.)

Instead of me taking an appetite suppressant, I decided to count calories. And that is the current bane of my existence. What in the world made me think that this would be a great idea? Because it’s not. In fact, it’s making me depressed and annoyed. I’m doing it now just because I have friends who are using it and are succeeding, but what I don’t understand is how they can eat as little as the program says and then not be hungry for anything else. Whatever. I’m complaining. I’m stopping.

Basically, the gist of everything is this: My weight went up a little and now my  numbers are better. Am I still going to eat healthier and try to lose weight so I can get back to into the 150s? Absolutely. But I’m going to start training myself to stop caring about the number I see on the scale. If all my tests are coming back good, then I should just be happy that I’m healthy.

My bigger concerns should be my migraines and why I’m so tired – not the digits on the scale.


6 thoughts on “numbers, numbers, numbers

      • Stacey says:

        I see ya! I JUST started back with My Fitness Pal. I was using BodyMedia, but need to take a break for a little while from that. I look forward to my new MFP friend! I’m sure you’ll keep me in check as needed. Thanks!

      • jljohnson says:

        I’m not the most reliable with MFP but I’m trying so hard. I can NEVER eat the right calorie amounts if I don’t work out! I fail. But I try! and I’ll try to be motivating for you too! 🙂

        Are you doing the TdP? Am I going to see you there? 🙂

      • Stacey says:

        Yea, I do good with that b**** MFP until dinner, then I usually get too tired to enter everything in and weigh it.

        Yes, I’m doing TdP. Can’t wait! I’ll keep an eye out for the tutu! It’ll be nice to meet you at a race and not feel like I’m going to puke donuts all over you!

      • jljohnson says:

        OMG you are so right. I’m glad to not have doughnuts at a race. I can’t believe it’s been that long since we have seen each other. That must change. And yes. I am making tons of tutus for me to wear so I can wear a different one…although I’m not sure about wearing one at the beach yet. I might save it for Saturday.

        And I make bad food choices when I’m bored. If I am busy, I will eat better. It’s odd. When I am busy at work, my eating is better, but if it’s a slow news day, then I’m screwed. 🙂

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