idiot runner girl is an idiot…

I woke up this morning with a migraine from hell. This was one of those bad ones that I used to get a loooong time ago, the kind that makes opening your eyes hurt, that made me dizzy just standing up, and where even the smallest of sounds made me whimper. Aside from the fact that I am no longer on the Topamax due to fighting some of the worst side effects ever, I could easily attribute this headache, the fourth in as many days, to stress.

When I was finally able to pull myself out of bed after knowing for sure that the Maxalt had kicked in, I went to the bathroom to weigh myself. We do it every Sunday. Last week it was 163 and the week before that was 159…today it was 166. I started to cry. There is no way I gained 3 lbs in one week.

“Well, you have had a really crappy week. You were at the hospital with your dad for a few days and you didn’t work out as much as you probably should have. Plus you just got off your period, and that always screws your weight up. 3 pounds in a week is not surprising,” Brian said. I stared at him in shock. Was he serious? He couldn’t be serious.

“I worked out 5 days this week. I did insanity for 3 and then I ran for 2,” I said softly, trying to keep my voice down because my head hurt.

“Then I have no ideas. But if you put on 3 pounds in a week, you should be able to take off 3 pounds in a week,” he said, getting on the scale himself. He said that his weight was up a little bit too, but that didn’t ease my mind. My Dad is in the hospital again, my husband still isn’t sure about what is going on with his job, I’m fighting migraines again like it’s nobody’s business and now I’m having this weird weight gain? Fantastic.

I’m well aware that I had lost April and most of May to life events. I was eating on the go, grabbing whatever I could and drinking way too much soda. Half of those calories were from hospital food, and lets face it…the food sucks. (Hospitals should not be serving french fries and cheeseburgers that had been sitting under a heat lamp for God only knows how long – they should be serving healthier stuff. Salad bars and yogurt and fresh fruit. Fresh sandwiches. ) I had been fighting a wicked evil sweet tooth and I know that hasn’t helped any either.

So – as much as I really don’t feel like doing this – it’s back to the strict regime I was doing last year. Water and tea to drink, juices in the morning. Fresh, home cooked meals, healthy snacks, and a bump in the protein intake with Greek yogurt, nuts, and lots of fish. It also means lots more running on top of the Insanity. Looking like 4 miles a day at least with a long run over the weekends again.

Am I punishing myself? Yes. My jeans still fit, so I am most likely freaking over something not important. But this has nothing to do with anyone else. It has something to do with me and how my habits have fallen by the wayside and how those habits were what was helping keep me sane.

I just need someone to motivate me for a change I guess.

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