It’s not a secret that I feel like everything in my world is in shambles right now. The plant that Brian works at is closing in 2 weeks, and we still don’t know what that means for us. My Dad is in the hospital recovering from surgery and had a rough day today. I’ve been off of the Topamax for a little over a month now and have put some weight back on because of it. Add in the silly things like being chased by wasps or trying to learn how to swim in a months time…I feel like I’ve taken a beating and then some.
But that’s where running is most important.
I’ve been wired today. I got to the hospital and my Dad was having problems with pain, saying his chest hurt him. I’ve been on edge waiting for test results (all normal, no cardiac issues aside from the fast pulse) and trying to keep my Mom calm, being the person my siblings were calling, and trying to get myself together on top of that, then going to work and having Brian be short with me on the phone….I just needed to do something for me before I lashed out at everyone.
Tiffany then text messaged me and asked if we were still on for doing the bridges. I stared at the phone for a long two minutes and then grabbed it and told her – I might not be the best of company, but I’ll be there. And the run was the best thing I could have done. We ran her way, the Galloway method, and it actually worked out because I wasn’t really 100% there, and I came to find out that I actually really like the method. It’s like speed work. We chatted about important stuff (my Dad and her half marathon in 11 days) and we chatted about simple stuff (like jobs on indeed and Half Fanatics) and it was great. I came back to work sweaty and feeling calmer than I have in a while.
I suddenly didn’t feel like Brian was snapping at me, because I wasn’t strung out thinking he was. I felt more at east about my Dad and that situation, knowing that he really is okay and I’m just expecting the worst when it isn’t going to happen this time. I laughed a little, smiled a little…I just feel more relaxed. The run was therapeutic.
Sometimes I forget that when things are falling apart around me, that the best thing for me to do is lace up and hit the pavement for a while. Blast some obnoxious rock music in my ears and just disappear for a while. And if I cry on the run, so what? It’s getting the emotions out. If I come back feeling like I can take things easier, then that’s good. Running is my therapy – the pavement is a spectacular listener and she lets me stomp out the things that are bothering me and allows me to clear my head so I can think logically and then write it out.
The number one thing in the world that makes me feel better, is a hug and a forehead kiss from Brian. Second is tied for ice cream, which is the universal cure all…and running.
Which is why, despite my exhaustion, I’m not giving it up. Now if I can only control my appetite again…