admitting defeat

If there is anything I hate most it’s someone telling me I can’t do something. If someone were to tell me that, I would turn around with a cocked eyebrow, a gleam in my eye and a dangerous smirk and say “Oh, really?” and prove to you just how easy it is for me to do whatever it is you just told me I couldn’t do.

And I can only top that by having to tell myself there is something I can’t do…like not run a race I was looking forward to because I’m so sick that walking is a challenge.

I loved being in LA with my best friend. It was a great vacation and I enjoyed spending time with Amber and stomping around LA like I owned the place. I really really enjoyed the She Runs LA race as well; it will be one memorable race for me that’s for sure. But when I got into LA, Joe was sick. And toward the end of the trip Amber got sick. Then, as I boarded the plane to head to Memphis…well…I knew the moment my ears wouldn’t pop that it was my turn and by the time I landed in Jacksonville it had spread to my sinus’, my throat, and my ears.

It frustrates me to be sick because I didn’t run while I was on vacation aside from the hike we did and the race. I had totally planned to run every morning but it never happened. A combination of the time change, and not knowing where I was and the late nights just made it pretty impossible. The one or two times I was about to head out and do it, Brian called or texted and time with him is more important. Plus – it’s really hard to make fitness and running a priority when you are staying with people who don’t see it as important as you do, and there is just too much to do in such a small amount of time. I’m fretting only slightly because when I weighed myself when I got home, I was bummed to see the scale back up to 160.

I know, I know. I can hear it now. “Only 2 or 3 lbs, Jamie? STFU. You can totally drop that in two weeks with the way you are running” but throw in being sick and I’m pretty much useless.

So this morning when Brian woke up to find me sleeping on the recliner, a tissue clutched in one hand and a blanket in the other, the conversation went as follows:

Brian – “You aren’t running today.”
Jamie – “I can run….”
Brian – “No, you can’t.”
Jamie – “No, I can’t.”

The fact that I admitted defeat so easily is just a sign of how miserable I really feel, and Brian knows it. I usually pitch a fit and fight tooth and nail to run despite being sick or injured. In January, when I had bronchitis and had to sit out of the Resolution Run I had to fight him to let me run, and still I was told no. Ended up being a good thing, however, because it was 35 degrees that morning and I wouldn’t have been able to do it with all the coughing anyway. And then, when I dropped the Tour de Pain Extreme because my IT was keeping me from running at a steady pace it took a 2 hour discussion with Brian and finally he used the cost of the races to get me to admit defeat there. But this one? This one was mostly my decision.

I am prone to sinus infections as it is because of my really bad allergies, but this is most certainly not an allergy attack. This is most certainly “The Ick” because my ears are plugged and I can feel that it’s because they are filled with fluid, and the color of the stuff that is coming out of me is a bright unhealthy yellow. I’m sick, legitimately ill, and I just have to admit that there is no way in hell I’d have been able to run this morning. I cheered Brian and Kat and a few others on, and then promptly went home and crashed for 2 hours until a coughing fit woke me up.

Part of me is really annoyed that this happened, and that I missed a race – again – because of being sick or injured, but the bigger part of me feels so miserable that it doesn’t really matter. Aside from most likely doing more damage to myself by running, my time would have been horrible and I would have wanted to quit anyway. I did the right thing, despite the competitor in me freaking out.

My next race isn’t until June, so I have plenty of time to get back into the swing of things. That is, once I can inhale with my nose and hear again in both ears.

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3 thoughts on “admitting defeat

  1. skinbycarrielorrain says:

    Whatever you do – stay off the couch and don’t even let me see you with a cup of chicken noodle soup! 😉 Feel better, you run so I don’t have to.

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